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Hacks To Help Kids Who Are Too Hard On Themselves

22nd November 2021

Being self-critical is quite a subjective attribute that we humans possess. The extent to which we can get self-critical depends on a lot of vital factors. It is when the criticism takes the mould of a blockage that stops a free flow of thoughts and embracing mistakes; that is where the problem starts.

With adults, negative self-talk is an auto regulated or perhaps an attribute that is realised by them. For the young learners, it is a valid concern since they do not how to keep this quality under control. Parental advice and supervision can ease off the urge to get critical about themselves about everything they do.

At times, a negative self-talk can be easily spotted in children. Kids those who use expressions like “I’m so ugly”, “Why am I so dumb?”, “I cannot do this I know” or “Nobody like me, I don’t have friends”, etc.  Such a scenario can only develop into habit and then it becomes difficult for this young learner to phase out from it during the growing up years. While self-talk is quite constructive and can help improve capabilities in learners, it may mount up to a negative and more critical tendency in them.

Negative self-talkers are of different categories. Let us take a look at some of them:

1. Proliferated Thinkers

This happens when children have an “everything or nothing” outlook toward things that they are learning. If they fail on the first attempt, they would fixate at the idea that they are simply not good at it. For example, if one fails at drawing a perfect circle or is not able to match with the rhyme actions along with the teacher, they would simply give up. In their mind they have already considered themselves a failure.

2. Attention Seekers

Children are good manipulators. There are some children who would try to make themselves look bad in situations wherever they think they can make their parents feel guilty by making them feel like they deserve to be reprimanded.

3. Self-Protectors

Young learners and also the ones in the pre-puberty are often susceptible to thoughts influenced by the social demands that are trending in their school circle and in their particular “phases”. If they are not able to match up with the so-called norms, they become very self-critical to protect themselves from what that may be a sort of humiliation. Things that one can associate with such children go like “I’m too cool for school”, “I’m totally going to fail the test”, etc.

4. Perfectionists

These children set high standards for themselves which in major times are not influenced by adults. They are ambitious and competitive by nature and that makes them exhaust their mental capacity to an extent that when they are not able to achieve it all, they become negative about their learning abilities.

5. Isolation From Bullying

Children who are picked on the by the popular ones in the class are aloof from any groups that is normal among classmates. Also, they internalise negative self-talk by feeling they are not good enough.

Negative self-talk and an eternal urge to be perfect has a deep impact in the overall development of a child’s emotional and social development. Eating and sleeping patterns change which in return also hampers the enthusiasm towards the regular activities and school works. They remain away from reality as by now the thirst to be critical makes them imagine scenarios where they are not good enough.

In such circumstances, parents need to work in synergy with the teachers to bring out the best in their child.
 

Acknowledging the Special Child with Observation & Supervision

Teachers work for the educational development and progress of the learners. In between the sessions they often get guidance to explore their emotions and social affinities. However, it is the parents who must be encouraged to take care of this rather unnecessary build-up of criticism.

At times we regard a remark of a child as silly or unimportant. Parents must pay attention and lend an ear to all the opinions that children have about themselves. Engage in positive self-talk in such situations. Bring in personal instances where the parents have failed and tried once again and accomplished a certain task. Make failure look like a regular thing. When they receive this comfort from the support system, it helps them to gain trust on themselves.

Correction of how the children accept their errors and contextualising them are also helpful ways to help them build a shield against self-criticism. If they could not achieve something and they declare that they would never be good at that, parents should rephrase their thoughts by bringing in the present context. They made mistake one time which does not really mean that they would always be bad at that particular thing.

The Bottom Line

Parents should actively stay in touch with the teachers to learn about anything unusual that their kid does that falls along the lines of striving for perfectionism. If the problems grow and slip out of hand seeking professional help for a more technical evaluation means no harm. Parents must keep an open mind and understand that if these tendencies are not managed with compassion and deep understanding, children grow up to be more prone to anxiety and practice mistrust.

Self-critical children strive to be perfect; it is normal at the core. SEN courses for parents will help! What must be monitored is that if such an attribute is yielding negativity in the overall social and emotional growth. As they say “hurt people hurt”, they become prone to such complexities at a later stage of their lives.